Monday, October 26, 2015

update: Hopin' little Hopin' Hope

I got the answer. Finally.

Or more like I was reminded with the answer.

Five Months ago

I was still enjoying my leisure while deeply panicking about the state of the progress of doctorate studies. That is until, I got a phone call, calling me in for an interview. The company was unheard of, I found it on Linkedin and applied for it mainly because its scope of work and requirements match my undergraduate studies.

A quick search on the Internet reveal that the company was among the largest engineering/environmental consultancy in the world. Who wouldn't be excited for that?

Three months ago

I finally got the job after two months of one more interviews and multiple email correspondences. My Ph.D supervisor was encouraging me to quit my Ph.D since scholarship was nowhere in sight. I told him about my University College London offer for MSc and he encouraged me to go too.

My uncles were excited - only then I knew most of them do not agree with my decision to further my studies. It wasn't obvious before; but the way they commented and advised me in regards to securing myself a job was a clear indicator. I better off working.

It was another story for my parents. They, as supportive as they always be, listen to my rationals to do somethings and will offer their advise. I thought they were excited for me to secure a job - and they did. It's just that they were not as excited when I said I secure myself a post graduate studies. My parents even went to the extent of supporting my Ph.D if I don't have any scholarship - although we are not anywhere wealthy. It's funny, most of my teachers concur that I should not stop my post-graduate studies; and my aunties too hold the same view.

Will I just letting go my dreams of having a doctorate degree? Nope. Never. It's still carved neatly on my plan. But working does not seem to be a bad idea. It's a prestigious company, doing exactly the thing I expected my degree to bring me to - only with little less of wages than I'm hoping for.

I took up the job, as an environmental scientist.


I had my two-week field work in Kelantan. I learnt a lot despite the fervent heat and swarm of hunger laden mosquitoes lavishing on my blood. Today I took a day off after two weeks including weekends and Awal Muharram public holiday working and went to visit my school. Usually chatting with my teachers add some perspective that chatting with my parents cannot - which is a good thing.

Many are still supporting me to further my studies, to not to stop trying even though I have a job now. Not to say that I dislike the job I am doing, but it does not give the same satisfaction or content that I did something. I can live with it, but I am not sure I can live the job.

Luckily I had my fair share of volunteering teaching kids near my flat. That is really something that I look forward every day. I truly enjoy it.

Then, it reminds me of how can I combine my passion for geosciences and teaching IF I set myself to become an academic. It's really what I am looking for in a job. I can learn, share, and teach - all at the same time. When you are doing routine work - and being paid for it, it's easy to be drowned in the cycle of doing the same thing, and forgetting the main reason you are in it at the first place.

Taking a day off and just following my gut of what to do really pays off. My original plan was to me my ex-supervisor at UKM and then go to my secondary school. I was not sure why, I just feel like doing so. I just feel that I need it. However, my ex-supervisor had to postpone the meeting so I just made my way to my school.

To be reminded that I should pursue my dream gives me courage and strength to do so. Currently, I am in the middle of completing a scholarship application to secure a financial backing for my graduate studies. I knew I should not raise my hopes high, but I am feeling good about it.

I hope.