Sunday, November 29, 2015

Questions by questions

Career does change people - and when I am in that phase I can see why people act and decide the way they decide. Something that I could never emphatize, until I am wearing their shoes. 

I was ironing my shirts for my day job while my mind wandered - or blanked - thinking of my day job. I told myself to be patient, and then counting days for my salary to be in, then I stopped. 

Why? Salary is the only consolation of why am I doing what I am doing now? Before I worked I told everyone that I will like this job. It's what I learned in university - my prefered career or so to say; it pays me reasonably (it's certainly not high I told you); it is for a huge multinational company - I can't understand why I am feeling what I feel now. 

A deeper, introspective projection into myself reveals one thing. The job does not force me to crack my brain. I mainly do what's been told, following myriads of SOPs and policies. I can't blame anyone. I was forewarned in my interview that the task of the job will definitely be routine, and at my stage before I venture into more managerial position I will have to undergo at least two years of nitty gritty experience build-up. 

I accepted it. It all made sense. "Do not underestimate the power of repetition," four months into the job and now my mind is all occupied with "I am not doing enough" 

It's easy to blame your surrounding than to blame yourself. I know I should be positive, work harder and diligently to achieve what I want to achieve. But what if, what I want to achieve is a way out?

I tried to not to entertain that possibility much for a very solid reason: I don't want to be a quitter. I don't want to be a typical milennial that does not value hardship and experience. At the same time I don't want to be blindly following that path that I think was set for me, without making any concrete effort in creating the future that I want it to be. 

The major block of creating the future I want is risk. What is the risk worth taking and what's not? Should I only wait what life will throw at me and handle it accordingly or be proactive as a fox waiting up for his prey and sneak on the prey, instinctively? 

I don't know and perhaps I will never know the answers. Like a bubble at the fringe of an oscillating wave, life proceeds  in a direction without any moment wasted. 

Yes, life does not waste a moment. I do. Whether it's for the present or the future, moments should not be wasted. 

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