Akhlak

Menurut Al-Ghazali, akhlak ialah suatu sifat yang tertanam dalam jiwa yang daripadanya timbul perbuatan-perbuatan yang mudah tanpa memerlukan pertimbangan terlebih dahulu.

Jadi kalau kita percayai konsep ini, akhlak ialah sesuatu yang bersifat spontaneous dan habitual, dan keputusannya boleh jadi buruk atau mulia.

Mencapai Akhlak Mulia

Ini satu konflik besar.

Kerana saya sering mengerah otak - atau menggambarkan ideal-ideal tertentu apakah yang seharusnya saya lakukan jika ini atau itu terjadi.

Cuma terkadang apabila ia terjadi, saya masih lagi bertimbang-tara, "patutkah aku tolong?" "Perlu ke aku buat semua ini?"

Dan apabila saya tidak dapat memenuhi sangkaan saya terhadap apa yang saya lakukan, saya akan mengalami satu episod introspeksi, yang lazimnya menguarkan satu lagi siri kemurungan, kecewa dengan diri.

Ah. Ini bukan melankolik, tetapi realiti (baca: diri sendiri).


Akhlak ini ialah suatu proses saya kira, kalau tidak dibiasakan, dipupuk dan didorong dengan semangat yang benar, masakan kita mampu berakhlak seperti yang disarankan. Sempurnanya Nabi Muhammad itu saya kira ialah kerana ia berakhlak dengan apa yang baginda sampaikan, apa yang baginda imani dan juangi, yakni Al-Quran.

Aduh. Kerdilnya rasa diri. Apatah lagi dalam dunia yang serba kena tak kena, betul tak betul, haram tak haram dan halal tak halal, cabaran untuk berakhlak (dan akhlak bagaimanakah dipupuk syariat) menjadi lebih sukar. Lagi-lagi berakhlak dalam ruang publik dan berakhlak dalam ruang privasi. Semuanya, saya kira ialah satu perjuangan yang tak pernah selesai.

Itu belum kira lagi apabila ia melalui hubungan muslim non-muslim, politik kenegaraan dan politik keduniaan seolah-olah akhlak itu terbatas dan bersyarat.




Jadi bagaimana? 

Snap!

"Awak pasti awak nak sambung belajar? Kenapa awak nak jadi pensyarah?"

"Sebab saya nak mengajar,"

"Kalau awak nak mengajar, jadi cikgu pun boleh. Maksud saya research-wise,"

Snap! I wasn't prepared for that kind of question. The purpose of that meeting is supposed for me to explore possible topic of research with him. So I stuttered. I explained how I like research, my, and really vast topic of interest and other stuffs.

Then, he said, "Awak kena betul ni. Nanti awak tengok kawan awak kerja oil and gas gaji 10-20 ribu, awak masih lagi 6-10 ribu. Awak nak ke?"

Then I provided my answer. Was not so sure he listened to me correctly (or as I intended it to be). Anyways, after showing him that I got "it" (lol) from my proposal that I completed within three days, he offered me a place for studying overseas program in top 100 universities (or good ranking school/department). The university will sponsor me and in return I have to teach at their university. 

After getting no correspondent after submitting the form he requested me fill overnight, I seek to venture out.

Long story short, an associate professor from another university is willing to accept me under his wings. I was delighted. But since it is a Ph.D program, I hesitated. My real plan is to go for Master degree, then do my Ph.D overseas.

Because, I really feel studying overseas for Ph.D will help me a great deal and I really want to study overseas, again.

Soon after, mother of my brother's friend visited my family and she happened to be a lecturer too, at UM. I told her about my plan and somehow I sense there's a hint of dissatisfaction from her (or maybe I misread her tone). She then went for a full long lecture of how the grad school works and why I shouldn't go overseas.

So after a full consideration, I decided I should take the professor's offer - maybe it's the best for me.

But things are not as good as I though when I told people I want to be a professor too. Of course, there are some "uplifting" comments that I "can do better" while others (I presume) merely think a teaching tenure is a plateau. It's a cycle of teaching, write and publish.

I disagree.


Yes, I could be idealistic when it comes to laying down my plans but I don't think I have the heart to bust myself finding oil and gas. So far, my professors have been my greatest source of inspiration. Since I was a little kid, I never associate myself with celebrities (except at some phases of my life) let alone any sportsmen (surprise, surprise). Whom I fancy are philosophers and professors like Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein (and a long list of from Abbasid and Greek). Then as I become more islamist, it was Dr Abdus Salam and Dr. Zaglul An-Najari and when I started to ground myself to reality (kinda diluting my own ideal self after things does not pan out) it was my professors at Penn State, Dr. Parizek and Dr. Wilf. 

Through Dr. Parizek and Dr. Wilf I have a glimpse of how should I do if I become an academician. These two people they are really good at what they are doing and really passionate to help those who are under their wings. Dr. Parizek taught at Penn State for years for free, squeezing his time between practicing hydrogeology as a consultant, helping Egyptians conserving their antiques, and a fellow board member of US radioactive waste management.

Dr. Wilf, on the other hand, is just one awesome guy. A great teacher and a superb paleobotanist (that is he studied ancient fossilized plants). He is now trying to work something on Sarawak rainforests --and I think that is just awesome.

Then I realize how the work is pretty much tied with the policy of a country.Of course than there is this salary issues, how professors are expected to fulfill the KPI set by the government and other stuffs that could be a hindrance for a professor to contribute back to the society.

I am just curious. Could I contribute as much as I want if join the academia later?

....

Lama sebenarnya saya memendam.

+++

Mungkin dalam renung-renung saya ketika berseorangan menikmati makan tengah hari di Kaarma, sebuah restoran India berdekatan alma mater saya. Lelaki tua dan pasangannya - serta ramai lagi pasangan veteran - masuk ke restoran tersebut. Juga untuk menikmati apa-apa yang saya nikmati.

Saya jadi terharu - teringatkan atuk saya di tanah air.

Dan entah mengapa, mudah pula air mata meluncur di pipi.

Apabila pulang ke Malaysia, hari demi hari saya diingatkan akan kedatangan hari tua (jika diizinkan Tuhan) apabila usai mengerjakan solat bersama datuk saya.

Tangannya yang kurus dan urat-urat yang jelas kelihatan, kudrat yang sungguh-sungguh diperah hanya untuk bangun dari duduk dan kadang-kadang sewaktu melaungkan iqamat, datuk tiba-tiba berhenti, "Bapak terlupalah Wan." - dan saya tanpa banyak soal terus sahaja melaungkan iqamat. Keadaan datuk saya jadi peringatan - bahawa ibu dan ayah saya juga akan menempuh saat itu, dan saya juga, malah setiap daripada kita - jika diizinkan Tuhan.

Melihat gambar datuk sewaktu berkhidmat untuk tentera di Singapura, juga mengenangkan memori dibawa ke sekolah agama di tempat beliau bekerja saban minggu, 18 tahun dahulu - Ya, saya berada di kerusi hadapan melihat masa memamah kudrat dan fizikal manusia.

+++

Hyperconnectivity seperti yang diura-urakan oleh pemimpin dan cendekiawan di Malaysia kebelakangan ini melontarkan pandangan saya ke dalam diri. Daripada satu segi, kita sememangnya terhubung - walau secara virtual - bentuk komunikasi imej dan video serta abjad yang tidak pernah kecewa menyampaikan memberikan kesan mendalam.

Saya boleh mengikuti berita, malah detik penceritaan penderitaan saudara semanusia saya di merata dunia. Daripada genosid di Gaza, Palestin kepada perang saudara di Syria kepada puak pelampau di Nigeria serta ISIS, saya dilambakkan dengan berita-berita penderitaan. Juga berita demi berita mengenai kesengsaraan manusia, terutamanya kanak-kanak yang sudah mengenal derita terlebih dahulu sebelum mengenal dunia - menjadi suapan harian melalui media massa.

Saya jadi bungkam. Penderitaan adalah suatu fakta, tetapi mengapa? Mengetahui seolah-olah menjadi satu sumpahan buat saya.

Bagaimana manifestasi syukur saya?

+++

Setelah Siddartha Gautama "diperdaya" dalam dunia indah rekaan ayahnya bertahun-tahun, kejutan Siddhartha apabila mengetahui hakikat kehidupan - bahawa wujud kemiskinan, kesakitan, penuaan dan kematian - seolah-olah boleh saya hayait.

Apabila kesedaran dilontarkan keras kepada saya...

 +++

Nabi Muhammad SAW itu, dahulunya, sebelum menjadi diutuskan telah lahir daripada perbuatannya kebaikan. Seperti yang dikhabarkan Khadijah r.anha bahawa mustahil Allah mensia-siakannya sedangkan baginda menghubungkan silaturrahim, memberi makan orang susah, membantu orang miskin, memuliakan tetamu dan menegakkan kebenaran.

Nah, sebelum turunnya wahyu Nabi SAW sudah punya kompas moraliti yang hebat - menjaga hubungan sesama manusia, menentang kezaliman dan memperjuangkan kebenaran. Apabila turunyya Islam aktiviti ini tidak ditinggalkan hanya kerana laungan dakwah islam kepada semua atau sibuk mengejar akhirat untuk syurga yang abadi, sebaliknya Nabi Muhammad lebih teguh dam tegar memperjuangkan dan menyebarkan rahmat Allah di muka bumi.

Sedang kita dan islam hari ini, di mana salahnya? Tidak hairanlah jika ada seruan yang memanggil untuk meninggalkan islam dan mengejar model dunia barat. Jika dunia menjadi ukuran, sudah pasti model dan acuan yang dibawakan barat nampak cantik. Kemeruduman Islam dan disiplin ilmu dan falsafahnya ialah satu kerugian - tetapi seperti yang telah mendahului kita, kita masih punya ruang untuk belajar dan menerima. Serta sesuaikan dengan acuan islam yang berpaksikan tauhid.

Kamu tidak boleh memberi, jika tidak punya apa-apa.

A Reflection on the Past

Saya menguap. Memang rutin harian begini. Menghadap komputer tanpa sebarang tujuan, terperangkap dalam kubikel berkusyen biru. Jeles, di kubikel sebelah Puan Stella (atau apa namanya) bercakap di gagang telefon (saya tidak nampak, tetapi memandangan tiada suara jelas yang membalas --saya teka).

Jari-jari saya terus menaip sambil minda ini menggeliatkan sel-sel neutron mencari cebis-cebis informasi.

Sekarang, saya sedang berlatih untuk live in the present. Mungkin terlalu present.

Kenapa? Kerana saya manusia yang suka menghuni di masa lampau - to dwell in the past.

I am not kidding. Probably because I am always too attached to what I did, or maybe because I only realize how important the experience is and how it was a part of my life when the experience ended. Sadly.

Nevertheless I realize this is not only my personal problem.I read an article from the Malay Mail Online about Singapore's 50th Independence and how she sprinted from Third World to First World in a very short amount of time. I am not necessarily admiring Singapore fast-track route to success because I believe each and every country has her own pace of developing - depending on many factors: geography, international relation and domestic political landscape are among those. What caught my short-span attention is this phrase:

 Make new history, not only celebrate old history

So let us turn our head to what have been plaguing Muslims all over the world. Some of us just don't care what our civilizations had to offer for hundreds of years while some of us care too much and want to bring the past back to the future.

Tough luck. None of the two extremes will work.

Put aside many premonitory hadiths about the ill-being state of the ummah ( I am not saying to ignore them, I am saying we can learn and improve from them - which what I am going to explain next), I believe it's not damaged beyond repair. Remember, the only constant about the world is the change.

Yes, we can change.

Yes, we can.

A Look at the Past (mine and of this ummah)


I am not sure if it is just me, but I have the longest time of conception that it was all good and pure when once Islam was regarded as the "highest culture". Starting from the time of sahabahs to Omayyad to the Abbasid to the Ottoman - and Mamluk, Fatimid and of anything between them.

I was introduced to the Golden Age where Islam was the focus of other parts of the world due to the scientific advancement (islamic, natural and soft) unparalleled by any civilizations, the resilience of each dynasties, the economic and social wealth and the military prowess.

The spilling of the blood, the adoption of the "dynasty" concept itself, the blood throne, the oppression towards minorities, conflict between sects - these are not pretty pictures and I was disturbed once I knew in details about them. This is not something that we should be proud of. Of course there were actions with what was first justified causes, or at least justified in retrospect to  the constraints of the moral frame in those days. However, many others are just void of any good justification.

My romanticized version of "Islamic history" that was glorified over time was actually not true. So I lost my cause of why are we moving in that direction again.

When I studied Islam and Body, we were required to read the Arabian Nights --and you have no idea how vulgar and obscene the stories inside the book. Worse, it is supposed to originate from Abbasid (but later in the falling period).

I argued with my Professor by consulting him at his office why would he pick that book. He explained to me that the book is considered as the low literature of the Islamic civilization, mainly relegated to lower caste and women (I am not implying anything, it's a fact that I was told).

The discussion didn't stop there. I think he did realize I was flared with disappointment. Then I asked him, why didn't he pick a better work from so called the "high literature". He explained legitly, that you can't expect to understand the culture without going high and low. Arabian Nights, no matter how much you dislike it (unlike the West who seems to be very very very fond of it), it was a part of the civilization.

I liked that class. Because my professor, he was never bias. He included a lengthy discussion from Katz about our purity ritual which is very interesting, about the garden as the manifestation on earth, about the first concept of hospital and medical advancement and about various interesting (and weird too) Saints who are the transgressors of the boundary.

I did not stop there -- I learned more when I chose to write for my final paper about Batu Bersurat Terengganu and their impact on the theory of coming of Islam to Malay Archipelago . Consequently, I learned many things, the good and the bad, including those which are not taught in schools.

Bearing the advice of the professor about how to approach the history, I realized, the good and the bad are actually parts of history. You need to accept it - nothing's perfect, including the almost-utopia glorified Islamic civilization that once I used to believe.

The beauty does not lie with the stories themselves, but with the history that we can learn from it. That's why I believe, confronting our past head-on and willing to learn (and re-learn) will open a new possibility. For me personally, and the ummah, ultimately.

The past may have its share, but it is up to to ultimately to define our own identity, for the present and the future lies ahead.

Yes, we can.

Make new history, not only celebrate old history

Make new history, not only celebrate old history

Make new history, not only celebrate old history

Stream of Time

I don't really know how to play with words beautifully like my friend does. he even wrote and published a book. So that's evident enough that I don't say that out of my personal reference. However I realized, I am quick in grasping (and often obsessing) over ideas.

Then it becomes a pain the neck when these ideas become superfluous thanks to internet and cheap books, it flooded my mind --and put a halt to my action. In many moments of my chain of thoughts, I always ask myself, "What's the best for me to do?" Of course, I would take into account many stuffs in such as my personal responsibility and liability, my environment and last but not least, human perception. Luckily as I grow, I  manage to reduce human perception on my decided actions - not that it does not matter, but most of the time, it doesn't.

Coming back, I realized the idea I subscribed to and defined myself with is no longer something that I would like to maintain. I figured, maybe it's about time to re-learn on how I look and perceive this world. I have been tiptoeing on my previous ideas lately, waiting to find the right stream and just jump myself into it. Unfortunately that right stream is out of sight (yet).

Let me be clear. I found the idea of progressive Islam is quite appealing (by that I mean the effort to harmonize Islam in our recent understanding of human rights and  civil society). Nevertheless the action of those people, who claim to be so, or most of the time, I see them as progressive --do not actually echo my ideal stream.

(Sorry I am being vague again and again).

I don't see humility dealing with their counterparts.

I don't see personal piety (No, I am not talking about whether they do Qiam or not, just day-to-day basis like in talking and attire).

Face it. I do not want to do "socially rightful" thing and ending up in the undesirable place where my body is roasting to dust.  At the same time I believe this world can be a better place with Islam --although many deem it to be impossible considering many of the organized religions have a narrow sense of what makes a good community, in terms of sexuality and family institution, treatment towards ideological differences, terrorism incitement and so on.

However the real problem of this world, in this period, is not really about organized religions and the corruption within (yes there are but the effect is minimal). It's about the inequality and money-driven world and the pursuit of self gratification and justification. Don't tell me that we don't have enough natural resources because if the resources were not gained for the benefit a few, we wouldn't be in a hot mess that we are in now. Don't tell me that people don't seek solace and sense of belonging in whatever form they could identify with. It could be religion or anti-religion ideologies or anywhere in the middle to the extreme of both ends. People want to feel good about themselves and justification on their actions and believe. It's just how people are made.

Why I believe Islam could answer this?

Personally it's because I am convinced by the proofs that I accustomed myself with, and second, when you have some entity that's greater than you and you will be paid accordingly as to what you had done in this world in the Hereafter, would you do bad things to other?

Morality, I believe, is hard to maintain without any spiritual consciousness. Yes, no doubt some people has a very deep sympathetic feeling towards others but most of us, well, just don't have it. Rules are made not for the few, but to govern the human inside us. Humans are created differently and that's why enforcing these rules (be it self-enforcement or organized) is hard.

So in our pursuit of getting things right within our bleak strength and utter weaknesses, we are presented with the so called trials of life.
 

As Quran asserts,

And We divided them throughout the earth into nations. Of them some were righteous, and of them some were otherwise. And We tested them with good [times] and bad that perhaps they would return [to obedience]. (7:168)

Good or bad, how can we make use of them? More importantly, how we can encourage goodness and prevent the bad? In this stream of time, I am still questioning myself.